4 Steps to Get out of Your Own Way and Be Happy
Our modern world seems increasingly obsessed with happiness, and like any fashionable item people are scrambling to obtain it. However, the only thing standing between us and happiness is our own damaging points of view.
A whole lot of people learn unhappiness from their family. We are handed a point of view at a young age; we are programed by our parents and our schoolmates to believe certain things. Many of us then function as if those points of view are true and this limits our capacity for happiness.
One of the points of view we inherit is that “You’re not doing life right, unless you’re struggling.” In believing this to be true, we actually make happiness wrong.
If you walk into a room beaming with joy and brimming with happiness, people around you are likely to say “Geez. What are you on today?” They make your happiness wrong. In this way, you learn to make the struggle – or the appearance of struggle – more valuable to you than happiness.
I also know that a lot of unhappiness is caused when people choose being right over being happy.
Being right causes you to feel triumphant, but this is not happiness. One of the things I try to get people to recognize is that nobody makes you happy, and nobody makes you unhappy. You are the creator of your own life.
The trick to happiness is to bypass the points of view that cause you to devalue happiness. “f you have no projections, expectations, separations, judgments, and rejections, you can actually be happy!
Projections and expectations are what you think someone else will do even if they aren’t going to do it. A projection would be “This man is perfect for me.” An expectation would be “He will have the same point of view about me that I have about him. He’ll think I’m perfect for him’.”
Judgment is any fixed point of view that someone or something has to be a certain way. Separation occurs once you do a judgment of any kind. You separate yourself from the person or thing you judge — even if it’s you. Rejection is dismissing or refusing something.
Here are my tips to help you get out of your own way, and allow yourself to be happy:
- Give up the need to be right: You don’t need to score points against someone else to feel good. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
- Watch your language: Guess what will happen if you say, “Nothing good will happen to me,” “I’m not the type of person who is meant to be happy.” What you say becomes so.
- Ask a question: We get locked into our points of view – about our conclusions about the world, other people, ourselves. Asking questions like “What else is possible?” or “What’s right about this I’m not getting?” gets you out of conclusion and being stuck in the cycle of it’s never going to work, life is bad, etc.
- Let everything be “an interesting point of view”: Don’t align and agree with how you perceive the world to be. Don’t resist and react to it. Just allow it to be what it is – an interesting point of view.
Understand that happiness is the result of a choice you are making. “f you are unhappy, take responsibility for the choices you are making. Ask yourself, “Is this my best choice or can I choose something else?’”
Gary M Douglas is an internationally-recognized thought leader, bestselling author, business innovator and founder of Access Consciousness®, a set of pragmatic tools and teachings that is transforming lives in 173 countries around the world. He has authored or co-authored numerous books including the novel, The Place, which became a Barnes and Noble #1 bestseller. An avid investor and entrepreneur, Gary has established ‘The Antique Guild’ store in Brisbane, Australia, owns a thriving stud for Costarricense De Paso horses, an historic castle in Italy and an eco-retreat in Costa Rica. He is a vocal advocate of Benevolent Capitalism and conscious leadership, believing that business can be a force for good, contribute more to the planet and a create a sustainable future. Follow Gary @garymdouglas and on Facebook